When someone who means the world to you is unwilling to forgive you and give you a third chance, what do you do? For someone whom I've never let go from loving for 3 consecutive years and is the closest to me, it's strange how much of a loss I'm in that I don't even know what else there is for me to do.

Frankly, maybe because I'm just afraid of rejection. Maybe it's because I'm afraid I'll be pushed away and hit again. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of being shouted at again. I don't know, really.

Someone should just kill me for failing to give him what he wants. It's like, I try time and time again but things are just getting worse by the day. I guess it's the loss of affection. 3 years, how could a guy not ever get tired of me?

I seriously have a lot of things to tell him. But I just can't find the right words and I'm afraid he won't want to listen. But most of all, I'm afraid that he doesn't feel the same way :(

You know, it just hurts that we were okay, and then when I started to pray qiyam and I asked from God in every hajad prayer to please always keep my baby safe and happy, all of a sudden, things changed. You know how important it is to keep asking for that same one thing in every hajad prayer. And that was the only thing I asked for in EVERY SINGLE hajad prayer, that God keeps my baby safe and happy always. Then, he just left me. Without a single I love you. Nothing. Maybe he is happy without me. It hurts, really really really really hurts.

Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. I love him and till death do us part...